The things that ate me up were delicate to my heart before mind, and I stand in shock still. Feeling replaced is never the best feeling. I believe it comes from being left alone enough times, beginning with my biological Father forsaking me at the age of one. Then, the death of my Mother felt like neglect from the almighty God. And last, the leaving of my Brothers to go live a better life out west; broke me down just a tad more. Now this. A beautiful girl at the tip of my fingers but also the frame of my heart and world; being held and tendered by another guy. I will only say this more; once a best friend of the opposite sex gets a boyfriend or girlfriend that isn't you, you have been replaced and you will drift slowly but surely. This is the reason for my complete cancellation to not let my feeling of false carelessness continue...
Last nights show was a P.O.S. and better yet, the poop icing on the cake for the week. It was unlike any other. Explain to me why we travel to Astor, Florida, two hours from my homeland, play what was by far the best show my band and I have ever played; then, the next day, we arrive back in Orlando to play a show at Rollins and only 7 of our band friends show up. It's not our fault at all. We blame the poor organization of the show advisers at Rolllins College and their lack of promotional care. Yet, I thank them for showing us that we are so much better than that and that they now belong in our category of time wasted. I would also like to thank them for paying us all $350.00 to play for a crowd of chairs...
Sorry, I had to get that one off of my chest. If not, my heart would have suffocated. On a happier note; my brothers are in town and I love them. I missed them so much. They are my sense of peace and hilarity. I'm still standing.
I'm looking forward to the days ahead. I'm going to be better, every moment I have any doubt. Love will find me later. As for now, I've got to leave the world with mouths and eyes open wide. Everything is Perfect. I was shaken, but like any brick house, I am mighty, rebuilt, and better looking. I'm going for it; all out, balls to the wall. THIS IS WHY GOD CREATED THE DREAM...
