Big Bad 20

I feel it; 20 years of age has slapped me in the face and hard, definitely leaving a mark. God said let there be light; again. It's like not even a day after I turned 20, I felt as if I had to do what I used to know as, "Grown-up things." Between paying bills and.. Paying bills, I managed to... Pay more bills. My job was and is no longer a job that made money for my own luxuries. The saying goes as follows, "I got shit to do today."

It wasn't so bad in the beginning of turning twenty. You know me, I love to exaggerate on a few points to make a dramatic and outstanding appeal for my writings. But I cannot lie; after last night, shit just hit the fan. Have you read or heard of the saying in the bible that reads/says, "Your sins will find you out?" I live by that saying, now. Last night, my Step-Father, who I love so much, informed me that he found an opened condom rapper in my bathroom toilet. Somehow, it had "swam" up with the flow of the water as he flushed the toilet. Now; I could've done two things. A) Lie. and B) Lie some more. I would have, had I still been 19 years old. See, there's a difference. There comes a time when your old man knows that you are becoming and old man. The look on is face; the flare and fear in his eyes; the shake of his hands; all of which brought me to tears shortly after he spoke to me. Him, being all I've got and having helped raised me since I was 8 years old; I never ever want to disappoint him nor see him hurt because of my actions, and clearly, I did both. Ladies and gents, a case of killing two birds with one stone...

"So, what'd you learn, Evan?" I learned not to use a condom? Just kidding. What I really learned is not to flush my condom rapper down the toilet? Okay, seriously, I learned that I'm going to have to make some changes in my life. There is nothing impossible in this world through the work of the Most High. I do believe the reason I feel so much pressure being 20 is because I'm beginning to think that as I grow older, I can make it on my own, without walking by faith. False. I'm going to need him more. As written before, all things are possible through Christ. So, I'm going to work on my maturity and ability to say no to hormones and live high and righteously. I've got to, no matter what my girlfriend thinks. As far as I know, she should probably work on her sexual self-control too (Tisk Tisk. She's more of an animal than I am ;)). Togetherness; that's right. We'll do it together... Practice self-control, that is.

I apologize for the "Too Much Information" factor, but I'm very open to sharing my life with you, the reader. To my Step-Father; I love you, and again, I apologize God Bless you and thank you for always putting up with my craziness. I'm your son. Can you tell? 20 never felt so... Big. 20 never felt so... Bad. This is life and it's never too late to start over and make changes. Why not have fun on the journey and change for the better, best, and most positive? Indeed, I shall.

Evan

Stop this Train

"No; I'm not colored blind. I know the world is black and white. Try to keep an open mind but, I just can't sleep on this tonight..." -John Mayer from the lyrics of "Stop this Train"

In life, there are always going to be things that you don't agree with; things that shake you up; things that break you down and make you act like someone you don't want to be. But it only makes sense. You're not acting differently because you're only human. Life hits us in many ways. The punches can sometimes be like the best fruit punch you've ever tasted or they can give us the bluest black eye you've ever encountered. The good thing is that God never gives us anything we can't handle. That alone gives me clarity; strength to go on and live this life knowing that I can never stop this train...

"Don't know how else to say it; don't want to see my parents go. One generation away from finding life out on my own. So scared of getting older. I'm only good at being young..." -John Mayer from the lyrics of "Stop this Train"

I lost my Mother at age 13. Writing this today, I still can't tell you how I overcame such a tough time. I honestly don't think it was even in my hands. There were so many times that I wanted to give up and just delete myself from the world; times, now, where I sit and ask myself why am I here. But I know the answer to that. I've got to continue the legacy of my Mother. I've got to be positive and make others happy. I've got to write about my life through song, good and bad, love and lack there of. I've simply got to live. My Step-Father is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. For a man to continue to raise children that are not of his blood; I don't ever want to see him go. The joy of knowing that If I were to stop this train, I'm stopping the train for many others, again gives me clarity; strength to go on and live this life knowing that I can never stop this train...

"Stop this train. I want to get off and go home again. I can't take the speed it's moving in. I know I can because now I see I'll never stop this train..." -John Mayer from the lyrics of "Stop this Train"

Last night I was aware that a friend, brother, and band mate of mine is now in the war of his life. The pending divorce of his parents; the complication of miscommunication; the fault of who's to blame. I can only be there for him. I can't tell him how to feel nor should I because we are all different. One thing I will say is that it is not his fault; "Dylan, it's not you're fault." He asked a fellow Mother of the band, "What am I supposed to do? I love them both." She responded, "All you can do is love them." Love is, so far, the realist phenomenon on earth. Love is all that broken relationship needs. Love is the core of the earth. Why else do you think the human kind can not get to it? For my brother, DK; I love you. We love you. You are going to make it out of the war. Know that it could be worse. Know that your parents love you and they never meant for it to happen this way. You do your best to be sure about the person you marry and sometimes it just doesn't work out. It's life. Don't stop this train...

"Once in awhile, when it's good, it'll feel like it should and they're all still around and you're still safe and sound and you don't miss a thing 'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark..." -John Mayer from the lyrics "Stop this Train"

I probably shouldn't be saying this, but I know there are at least 100 people who read my blog posts everyday. But I've got to get this off my chest as a reflection of my own observation of a certain person. She knows who she is. Here goes...

I was right. But you know, I'm not celebrating like I used to, nor am I saying I told you so. Someone else's heartbreak is not something to get pleasure from. I just want to apologize maturely. If you only knew how quick I'd kill to make you happy and keep you smiling; even if it meant lying to you, in which I have in the past so many times about so many things. I was trying to keep you happy and us close together in the worst way and I had no idea how deep of a hole I was digging until that day we let go and it felt like I was six feet under; death on earth. I will say, I never lied to you about loving you; never. It's crazy how something always inspires me to go back to writing about you. With everything that happened last night with my friends parents, God just told me to apologize and at least let you know that everything that happened between us was my fault, not yours. I was immature and greedy. The reason I never spoke to you after it all fell was because I always wanted the next words I said to you to be my apology. I just couldn't come around to it until now. I am sorry. I understand if you never want to talk to me again. But please understand that I never lied to you about loving you and though I have a wonderful girlfriend at the moment, I still think about you and how I hurt you. We all want love and to be loved and sometimes we do wrong, out of immaturity, thinking we're getting closer to love. If we do right and we're still not loved, then the saying still stands; don't give up and never stop this train...



This concludes the book you the reader knew as "Everything." The title of the book is now called "War" and with the up and onward success of my career, the book will soon be published and copies will be made for readers to have a book of their own.

The Plove Monster

Have you heard of The Plove Monster? Have you seen him? He's living in your neighborhoods, your schools, and even in your homes. Don't be alarmed if at some point after reading this you begin to notice the characteristics of the monster...

The Plove Monster is a simple monster who was once a human, living with the mind set that the world revolved around him and his priorities were to be taken care of by the world. Little did he know, he was causing war between friends, family and all others in between. In reading this you must believe that all this crazy world needs is Peace and Love. Now, put this those two together and you get a little thing called, Plove...

So the human goes on through life slowly watching himself change and not thinking anything of it because of his arrogant mind. We are all perfect in our own way but none of us are more perfect than another; which the he, the ignorant human thought. To continue, at the age of about 16, he is now the complete monster and everyone around him notices. The friends he has have little to no trust in him because he is now a monster and they are all terrified. What does this create? Loneliness. No friends. Immediate humbleness...

Now that the uman is a monster and is up to no good, it realizes that there is no fun and, better yet, goal to life living like a monster; destroying the priority of peace and love, throughout the world. So, it sets out on a journey to change by way of becoming genuine again, and genuinely preaching peace and love being the only necessity, worldwide. We were all born genuine and innocent. As we grow older, we those things tend to deteriorate...

Let's bring this into reality now. The human/Plove Monster was once me. Can you tell?



I was once the arrogant ass face who thought that the world was my paradise to be praised for. I had the smarts, the athletic life of a champion, the looks, and the girls. What more could a teenager ask for? Oh yea; peace among others and love among self and others. That was a big hole to fill, but I did so through change. Now don't close the book yet; there are still characteristics of that old human, that still comes out of me at times. I'm not the most perfect, but at the same time, neither are you. So who are we to judge each other? Be courteous of the imperfections of the world by working peacefully together, in love, to make it a better place for you an for me and the entire human race, as said by Michael Jackson. There are some "bad" things about me that I would never change simply because they allow me to be confident, speak freely, and have the artist savvy that I posses today. Cool?

In advance, I continue to apologize because I know that there are people that I offend everyday. I know I don't come off as genuine with everything I do and say, but at least believe that music has changed my life and that I love you; yes, you and you and you too. Please not that I do not sing to knock panties off of seductive women. I'm currently in a relationship right now with a wonderful young lady. Yes, she's my girlfriend, in reality and virtually for all you faceboogers and tweeps. I am, indeed, a strong believe in Jesus Christ and in that realm, I am pro-choice knowing that this world and everyone on it will never be perfect. So, why even try to be? be you and the way God made you...

Preaching and practicing peace and love,

Evan