In life, there are always going to be things that you don't agree with; things that shake you up; things that break you down and make you act like someone you don't want to be. But it only makes sense. You're not acting differently because you're only human. Life hits us in many ways. The punches can sometimes be like the best fruit punch you've ever tasted or they can give us the bluest black eye you've ever encountered. The good thing is that God never gives us anything we can't handle. That alone gives me clarity; strength to go on and live this life knowing that I can never stop this train...
"Don't know how else to say it; don't want to see my parents go. One generation away from finding life out on my own. So scared of getting older. I'm only good at being young..." -John Mayer from the lyrics of "Stop this Train"
I lost my Mother at age 13. Writing this today, I still can't tell you how I overcame such a tough time. I honestly don't think it was even in my hands. There were so many times that I wanted to give up and just delete myself from the world; times, now, where I sit and ask myself why am I here. But I know the answer to that. I've got to continue the legacy of my Mother. I've got to be positive and make others happy. I've got to write about my life through song, good and bad, love and lack there of. I've simply got to live. My Step-Father is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. For a man to continue to raise children that are not of his blood; I don't ever want to see him go. The joy of knowing that If I were to stop this train, I'm stopping the train for many others, again gives me clarity; strength to go on and live this life knowing that I can never stop this train...
"Stop this train. I want to get off and go home again. I can't take the speed it's moving in. I know I can because now I see I'll never stop this train..." -John Mayer from the lyrics of "Stop this Train"
Last night I was aware that a friend, brother, and band mate of mine is now in the war of his life. The pending divorce of his parents; the complication of miscommunication; the fault of who's to blame. I can only be there for him. I can't tell him how to feel nor should I because we are all different. One thing I will say is that it is not his fault; "Dylan, it's not you're fault." He asked a fellow Mother of the band, "What am I supposed to do? I love them both." She responded, "All you can do is love them." Love is, so far, the realist phenomenon on earth. Love is all that broken relationship needs. Love is the core of the earth. Why else do you think the human kind can not get to it? For my brother, DK; I love you. We love you. You are going to make it out of the war. Know that it could be worse. Know that your parents love you and they never meant for it to happen this way. You do your best to be sure about the person you marry and sometimes it just doesn't work out. It's life. Don't stop this train...
"Once in awhile, when it's good, it'll feel like it should and they're all still around and you're still safe and sound and you don't miss a thing 'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark..." -John Mayer from the lyrics "Stop this Train"
I probably shouldn't be saying this, but I know there are at least 100 people who read my blog posts everyday. But I've got to get this off my chest as a reflection of my own observation of a certain person. She knows who she is. Here goes...
I was right. But you know, I'm not celebrating like I used to, nor am I saying I told you so. Someone else's heartbreak is not something to get pleasure from. I just want to apologize maturely. If you only knew how quick I'd kill to make you happy and keep you smiling; even if it meant lying to you, in which I have in the past so many times about so many things. I was trying to keep you happy and us close together in the worst way and I had no idea how deep of a hole I was digging until that day we let go and it felt like I was six feet under; death on earth. I will say, I never lied to you about loving you; never. It's crazy how something always inspires me to go back to writing about you. With everything that happened last night with my friends parents, God just told me to apologize and at least let you know that everything that happened between us was my fault, not yours. I was immature and greedy. The reason I never spoke to you after it all fell was because I always wanted the next words I said to you to be my apology. I just couldn't come around to it until now. I am sorry. I understand if you never want to talk to me again. But please understand that I never lied to you about loving you and though I have a wonderful girlfriend at the moment, I still think about you and how I hurt you. We all want love and to be loved and sometimes we do wrong, out of immaturity, thinking we're getting closer to love. If we do right and we're still not loved, then the saying still stands; don't give up and never stop this train...
This concludes the book you the reader knew as "Everything." The title of the book is now called "War" and with the up and onward success of my career, the book will soon be published and copies will be made for readers to have a book of their own.
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